JOKES

[cut_snake_vb_sle]

The Living Will..


Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said
to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some
machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the
plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out my beer.

Bitch...

[chippy]

lol

[Tank slappin HQ]

A bogan walked into the centerlink office, marched straight up to the
counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The  worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent.
We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful 30 year old daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The salary is $200,000 a year."

The guy, wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"
 
The Centerlink worker said, "Yeah, well . . . you started it."

[Bloomy]

Thats a right little ripper mate!

[Wayne Dodson]

A bogan walked into the centerlink office, marched straight up to the
counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The  worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent.
We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful 30 year old daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, and he'll supply all of your clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and you will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The salary is $200,000 a year."

The guy, wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"
 
The Centerlink worker said, "Yeah, well . . . you started it."

harhar too true too bloody true what a rippa 

[Bloomy]

An old couple are on holiday in Jerusalem.
The old dear suddenly dies while they are there.
The old bloke goes to a funeral dirrector.
He explains what happened and asks if he can have his wife's body sent home.
The funeral dirrector says to him that to send her back home will cost $2,000.
He then goes on to say that he could have her burried in Jerusalem for only $100 and what a great saving it would be and that Jerusalem would take care of her.
The husband grabs the man by the shirt collar and says,
Listen here mate! I don't want her burried here! I know of a bloke who was burried here 2006 years ago and he rose again 3 days later..... I can't take that chance!

[kawaii_hachi_roku]

i will tell you a joke ........ AUSTRALIANS............ hahahaha thats a fucken funny joke

[Bloomy]

Listen here moron!
You go saying that too long and you'll start another Cronulla riot!
Only difference is it'll be down at Seaford beach or somewhere like that!

You wanna put up, or shut up!

[Bloomy]

 

What do you call a two seater Jap car with LordYuppy and Akbar in it going over a cliff ready to crash and blow up?

A bloody waste cause that Kawaii Hachi Roku carnt should be in the boot!

[kawaii_hachi_roku]

LOL !!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bloomy]

RACK OFF DICKHEAD!

[kawaii_hachi_roku]

stop saying that and actually be constructive

[Wayne Dodson]

stop saying that and actually be constructive

fuck off

[aussie_pride]

Listen here moron!
You go saying that too long and you'll start another Cronulla riot!
Only difference is it'll be down at Seaford beach or somewhere like that!

You wanna put up, or shut up!

fuck yea franga or seaford beach would be fuckin sweet.

[aussie_pride]

What do you call a two seater Jap car with LordYuppy and Akbar in it going over a cliff ready to crash and blow up?

A bloody waste cause that Kawaii Hachi Roku carnt should be in the boot!

that is the best joke here mate